My Journey

I grew up in a cave

The door was locked

It was dark and damp and cold

It froze my soul

There were cracks in the wall

Some dull light shining through

I left the cave daily as a child

But the grey Parisian skies were no better.

Then 18 turned up

It was time for me to flee

The world terrified me

But I was more scared by home.

I wanted to go as far as possible

Thinking that the sun shines brighter

In foreign lands.

I went to the four corners of France

I crossed the Atlantic to switch continents

I thought that NYS, Florida and Costa Rica

Would bring light to my life.

But the cave dampness had taken residence

In my heart

Wherever I went, the dullness followed me

The childhood fog kept closing onto me

Getting into my nostrils, suffocating me

I can’t find safety in the world

If my heart is not bright

I can’t find joy in my life

If my body feels threatened

Disciplined nurturing

Yoga, wholesome foods, exercise

I take care of my body

So that I believe I’m worthy

Getting out of my comfort zone

Again and again

Reaching out

Making friends

Saying no

Doing what’s right

It’s a constant fight

But I’m growing

I’m getting my life in order

I’m starting to believe in me

The observer tells me

That I don’t owe my father anything

That my reason of living

Is not to make poor men feel better

I have a right to existence

A right to self-actualise

A right to relax

A right to take care of myself

The journey is long and arduous

I am climbing the boulders,

Shuddering when rocks fall

But staying in the plain is not an option.

The sight of the peaks calls to me.